“Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good - No, Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good - When the levee breaks, mama you got to move”

I really need to write.  Last night Preston told me something very interesting.  He said he got into our relationship for the wrong reason: to get over Liz (his ex).  Apparently every time I asked if he was over her he lied.  He says he still loves her.  He wants her over me.  Here's where it gets interesting: Liz is in a happy relationship with no desire at all to ever go back to Preston.  So basically, he loses.  Words cannot express how deeply hurt I am.  I gave him everything, and then some.  The worst part of it all is there's nothing I could have done.  He has this ridiculous image of perfection in the form of Liz in his brain and nothing and no one, not even Liz herself, can live up to that.  I can't change the way someone feels, no matter how jacked up the emotions are.  I'm glad I know his true colors, but that doesn't stop the pain, doesn't even dull it.  I feel so alone and unloved, which makes no sense because people are calling and texting me nonstop making sure I'm ok.  I'm not ok, but I will be.  It just bugs me that I didn't see this coming.  I always see it coming, always smell a rat.  

P.S. Karma is, in fact, a bitch.  The worst part of all of this is I gave up what Alex and I could have had for Preston.  We could have had something truly amazing.  Well technically we still can.  We're starting over.  Hopefully we can still live out everything we planned.  We shall see.  He came over to snuggle today because I really needed a hug.  I tried my best to keep it together, but laying with him, the tears came.  I clench both fists to stifle a sob.  He reaches over and strokes my hair with one hand and unclenches my fists with the other.  I bury my face in his shoulder as every emotion I have been robbed of comes flooding back.
Here's to starting over.